对话单身－－物欲

Singles talk about materialism

这是很早之前就想为你写的文字，但是我向来很拖拉，又很懒，一直拖到现在。 These are words I’ve been wanting to write to you for long , but I often procrastinate and I am lazy, at least until now.

和你一起去香港，看到香港商场里面漂亮的 Marken-衣服和手袋，我们都很感叹。你说你其实很现实也很爱慕虚荣，想要 heiraten 一个有钱有能力疼爱你的丈夫，会给你买这些漂亮的衣服和手袋。我也喜欢漂亮的衣服，偶尔看到喜欢又买不起的衣服，也会 seufzen 一下，也会羡慕那些有人陪着逛街买衣服兼埋单的女人。但是，倒是从来没想过 heiraten 个有钱的老公让他给我买。喜欢的东西总是有很多，Versuchungen 也总是有很多，欲望总是不可能都满足我们的，买自己可以支付得起的东西会比较好一些。而老公，我觉得，不是用来满足自己对物质的欲望的。 When we went to Hong Kong tougher, we saw the beautiful clothes and handbags in the shopping malls and we both sighed. You said you were actually practical and vain, and you wanted to marry a rich man who could spoil you, one who could buy you all those beautiful clothes and handbags. I also like nice clothes, and sometimes when I see cloths I can’t afford, I can even get a bit emotional and envy those single ladies who have a company to pay for their shopping. However, I’ve never thought to marry a rich husband in order to pay for those things. There’s always many things you like, and the temptations are always many, you can’t always satisfy all your desires, and so buying the things you can afford is rather better. And I think a husband is not there to satisfy your material aspirations.

你说我会这样想，是因为没有太大的生活压力，所以会说得那么轻松。如果两个人要每个月从本来就不高的工资中拿一半出来去供房三十年，如果每个月省吃俭用去买车，如果为小孩将来的教育费用 Sorgen，我就不会说得那么洒脱了。我想，你说的是对的，因为我从来就没有太大的生活压力，所以可以随心地做自己喜欢的事情。虽然每个人都将房子看得很重要，我也觉得房子是家的安乐窝，但是我真的不觉得一定要买房子，如果买不起，租房住我觉得也不是什么大的问题，为什么偏要去买房子呢？你说：“如果某一天，你一边抱着 schreien und 大哭的小孩，一边被房东 herausgezwungen 涨房价，要是不交马上得搬家，这个时候你还会说得这么轻松吗？”我想是不会的，国内的房子 Miete 市场确实很讨厌，租金随时增长，房东也随时可以赶你走。虽然 Versicherung 不多，但是还是有合同，我觉得我会很小心地签合同，也会通过合同维护自己的权益。你知道，我从来就不喜欢被无理地欺负。而且，我也不觉得，会一直都租房住，随着资历的增长，收入也会增加，也许买房子会相对容易一些，两个人慢慢供也没什么大不了。当然，也许，资历增长所带来的工资增长，远远比不上房价的增长。这就是这个社会的问题。我们要做的，是如何去争取自己的权益，让租房变得规范、让买房不那么 schwierig，而不是 Kompromiss 于现状，想通过 Ehe 让生活更加自在。虽然，这是更加实在可行的方式。 You say the reason I think like that is because I don’t have too much pressure in my life, and that’s why I can be so relaxed. If a couple takes half of already low wages to pay for a thirty year mortgage on a house, if every month they have to scrape off to repay their car, and if they worry about the cost of their children’s education in the future, things are not as easy as I put them. I think what you say is right: because I’ve never had too much pressure in my life, I can do the things I like and follow my heart. Although everyone give high importance to the house, I think a house is there for the comfort of the family, but I don’t think you absolutely must buy a house. If you can’t afford to buy it, then renting is not such a big problem, why would you want to buy a house so much? You say: “If one day, while you’re holding your little one crying, the landlord comes in and pushes the rent up, and if you can’t afford it, you must leave right away, will you find it easy then?” I think I wouldn’t: in China, the rental market is really annoying, the rent goes up all the time, and the landlord can force you out anytime. Although this isn’t much protection, I would still have a contract, I would be very careful when signing it, and I would protect my interests through the contract. You know, I’ve never liked to be unreasonably bullied. Furthermore, I also believe that I wouldn’t be renting forever. As your qualifications increase, your salary would also increase, and then buying a house would be relatively easy, and little by little, it wouldn’t be such a big problem for the couple. Of course, maybe, the price of houses might increase far more quickly than qualifications and wages. This is the problem in our society. What we need to do is fight for our rights, so that there are regulations on rental, and buying a house is not so difficult, rather than compromise with the status quo, and try to make life more comfortable through marriage. Although, this seems a more concrete and feasible way.

我也想要生活得自在一些，但是这些不是一下子就可以拥有的，而是要靠努力一点点地积累的。看着公司那几个打扮时尚、开着 Marken-车来上班、经常出入高级 Restaurant 的女同事，我真的一点也不羡慕，我知道我是不可能会像她们那样生活的，也不可能像她们那样 heiraten 一个拥有这么多财富的老公。每个人的追求不一样，每个人的能力不一样，每个人的价值观也不一样，我的能力是怎样、我的消费能去到哪个层次，那么我就过怎样的生活。我一直是这样想的。 I also think that I would like having the comforts of life, but you can’t have all the comforts right away, you must make efforts to slowly accumulate. When I look at fellow female workers in my company who wear make up and fashion, drive the latest car, and often go out to fancy restaurants, I really don’t envy them, I know that I can’t live the life they live, and I also know that I can’t marry marry such a wealthy husband. Everyone has different aspirations, everyone has different abilities, everyone has different values. If my abilities are at such a level, then I can spend so much, and I will have that kind of love. that’s really how I think.

你会觉得我不现实，是的，我从来就不是一个很现实的人，追求内心的交流是多么的 neblige Angelegenheit 啊。当有人开着他的车来到我家附近的时候，我却没办法坐上去，因为彼此的价值观不一样，我很难想像我跟他一起生活的样子。这并不是说，完全不在意对方的能力和财力，如果对方连赚钱的能力也没有，连进取的心也没有，这样的生活最终也会输给现实，爱情也会在现实中低头。坦白地说，我并不太在意对方的收入是多少，但是，如果要我成为一个家的收入的主要来源，我很可能会没有勇气走进这样的 Ehe。一个家，是要两个人一起去经营的，如果其中的一方的收入成为主要 Unterstützung，慢慢地，双方之间会失去原有的平等，感情也会变味。 You may think that I’m not realistic, that’s true, I’ve never been a realistic person, after all, seeking to share the inner language of the heart is not a concrete affair. When someone comes to my house in their own car, there’s no way I could get on the car, because we don’t share the same value, and it would be really hard for me to imagine my life with them. This doesn’t mean however that I absolutely don’t care about a partner’s capacities and earnings, if a partner can’t make money at all, then there’s no way the heart can follow, for such a life will eventually give in to reality，and love itself will bow its head to reality. Frankly, I don’t care about my partner’s income, but if I had to become the main earner in the family, I may not have the courage to walk into such marriage. A family needs two people to cooperate, and if the income of one becomes the main support for the family, slowly, the equality between both sides will be lost, and sourness will develop.

你说你不喜欢自农村的男性，因为你担心将来的生活质量，也担心他们的家人在以后的生活中会不断地向你们伸手。这的确是一个很现实的问题。不过，将对方划为农村来的，给人一种不平等的感觉，毕竟出身不是可以选择的，而且就算出身低微也不意味着在爱情中也低微。来自普通农村的男性，在财富上的确是没有优越性，很可能还承担着很大的家庭责任，这也会成为你们以后的一个挑战。不过，这未必有想象中的那么可怕。他会承担起作为儿子的责任去 unterstützen 父母，他的父母偶尔间会到你们的家来小住一段时间，也许，你们还需要偶尔间资助一下他的兄弟姐妹，这些都是很正常的事情。作为女性，可以宽容一些大方一些，在自己力所能及的范围内关心他的家人，这也是一件会让两人增进感情的事情。当然，这并不是说，要 opfern 自己的生活，我也做不到超出了自己能承受的范围的事情。也不是说，他的任何亲戚向你伸手都会给钱，因为每个人都得对自己的人生负责，太过纵容他人，在某种程度上说也是害了他。有些时候，是可以也是必须要说不的。 You say you don’t like men from rural areas, because you’re worried about your quality of life in the future, and you’re worried that his family will continually reach out to you in the future. That is indeed a very real problem. However, a partner coming from a rural area gives others a sense of inequality, but origins are not something you choose, and humble origins do not necessarily mean a low capacity to love. A man who comes from an ordinary rural background will have no particular superiority in wealth, and he is likely to carry a lot of family responsibilities, which will also become a challenge to you. However, this may not be quite as horrible as you imagine. He will also have filial responsibilities towards his parents, and his parents will occasionally come to your house and stay with you for some time, perhaps you will also need to help his siblings occasionally, these are all normal things. As a woman, you can be a bit tolerant and a bit generous, it is within the scope of her power to care for the family, and this can also enhance the feelings in the couple. Of course, this doesn’t mean that I would sacrifice my own life, just that I wouldn’t do things beyond what I can afford myself. And it doesn’t mean that you should give money to any and all of his relatives who come looking for handouts, because everyone must be responsible for their own life. If you indulge others too much, that can also be harming them to some extent. In some cases, you can and you must say no.

其实，在基本生活可以满足的前提下，物质并不是那么的重要。并不是说物质不重要，毕竟我们首先要面对的是生存，只是，不要让它 übernehmen unsere Ehe。我会这样说，是因为，当我回想起自己的记忆里面的那些幸福的片段，所有的都跟财富没有关系，那完全是发自于内心的一种快乐。当我拥有一件漂亮的衣服的时候，我也会很开心，但是这种开心并没有持续很长时间，很快地我又会恢复到原来的状态。但是，如果是因为某个人或某件事情触动了自己的内心所带来的快乐，它会一直在那里，就算是经历了很长的时间，每当想起，嘴角仍然会不经意地露出那种发自内心的微笑。如果有人可以让你这样地微笑，那么，房子、车子、漂亮的衣服，还有很多很多的 Versuchungen，相比之下，都显得微不足道。虽然，这很不现实。 Actually, once the basic needs of life are fulfilled, material things are not that important. This doesn’t mean material things are completely unimportant, after all, the first thing we need to take care of is survival, only we shouldn’t let this take over our marriage. The reason I say this is because, when I recall the happy moments in my memory, none of them is related to wealth, but all have to do with some sense of happiness at the bottom of my heart. The moment I get nice clothes, I will be very happy, but this kind of happiness does not last very long, and soon I will return to my original state. However, if the happiness inside my heart was brought about by a person or an event, it will always be there, even after a very long time, and whenever I think about it, the same smile from the bottom of my heart will come to my face. If someone can give you such a smile, then house, car, nice clothes, and many, many temptations, in contrast, will seem like nothing. Although, this is very unrealistic.

Smilings 1510,July 16 2012

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