the marco polo project: 全职主妇

先说说我的情况吧，结婚之前我在当地一家单位上班，结婚后因为老公家有自己的公司，老公及其家人都让我辞掉工作来公司，我就辞职了。

事情发生到现在已经1个多月了，但是我无法 entfernen aus 心中的阴影，我不想告诉身边的任何人，只有我自己知道我的心有多痛，我和老公 verliebten uns und 5年后结婚，现在已 经结婚2年了，期间关系一直很好，是身边朋友 beneiden 的对象，他说我是他的 erste Liebe，我一直都不相信，但他坚持说是，我想是不是第一个无所谓我只想做最后一个，现 在我已经怀孕了，还有1个月就到预产期了，事情发生在上个月，当时老公说星期六他们同学聚会问我去不去，因为我自怀孕以后心里总觉着丑的不想见人了，在说 月份大了感觉他们去吃饭唱歌跟着也不方便就没去，可是让我想不到的事情就发生了，那晚老公到了 am frühen 晨2点才回来，回来后给我说当初暗 verliebt 他的那个女孩也去了， 后来的日子就是天天半夜不睡觉一直在上QQ而且聊天的时候总是闭着我，要不然就是抱着手机在 Toilette sitzen 一两个小时不出来，我 vage 感觉可能有问题，以前晚上不 管多晚多冷只要我说想喝水他都会给我倒，那天晚上饮水机上没水了，刚买来的新水就放地上，我让他给放到饮水机上，他一直在上QQ说等会等会直到我睡着了也 没喝上水，让我更伤心的事情还在后边，又过了没几天他给我说要出发去A市要账，当时我也没 Zweifel 早上我还没起床他就走了，到了下午下班了我给他打电话关机 了，直到晚上他才打电话来说不回来了没找到人明天再看看在说，因为他带两个手机以前从来都不会同时关机的，加上前两天的种种迹象我感觉他说谎了，但当时我 问他没承认我也就半信半 zweifeln 的算了，挂电话之后又关机了，到了第二天上班我婆婆一直打电话都关机，我婆婆急了让我查查看怎么还不回来而且连电话都打不通，我 一查发现根本没有在A市的通话记录，而是去了B市，而且早上走之前打了一个电话。当时我就 wählte 这个号码是个女的接的就是他天天聊QQ的那个女同学，我直 接给她说让**(我老公名字)接电话，对方 still 一会问我是谁我说你应该能猜到我是谁吧，sofort 让他接电话我找他有事又是一阵 Stille，过了一会她说我没和他在 一块你打他手机吧，就挂了。打完电话我确定我所有的 Vermutungen 都是正确的，当时就浑身发抖心里说不出的乱，也没心思工作了，但我还是装作很平静的给婆婆说没查 到，找个理由请假回家了。

回家后我一直在想这么多年了一直很好的，他怎么能在这个时候 betrügen 我如果不是因为怀孕了我可以不顾一切的离开，或者说如果是怀孕初期也还有的选择，现 在已经这么大月份了，我真的无法接受。后来我发现他QQ在线就直接发信息过去给他说别再 lügen 我都知道了能过就过不能过就算了他一直不回。到快天黑的时候 他回来了，一进门就像什么都没发生一样给我说话，我是一个比较 schwach 的人，面对他我只有 Stille、哭、我不理他。他就一直问我怎么了为什么不理他，我说你做了什 么你自己知道，你这两天都干什么了，他说确实是去A市了，人家领导不在没要到钱，当我说我查他通话都是在B市，根本就没有在A市的通话记录，为什么走时还 给他同学打电话时，他给我的解释是他那个同学心情不好想出去散散心他就把他同学送到B市了然后连夜又去了A市，而且不只那一个女同学还有其他的同学一起 的，手机在头天晚上给我打完电话后因为电不多了就关机了，到了A市时发现手机丢了，可是他手机在两天都是在B市通话的，说明他还是骗我的他就是一直和他同 学在B市根本就没去A市，可是他不承认说他真没做对不起我的事情，我就觉得很委屈一个劲的哭，我说以前我在单位上班时组织出去玩每次你都不让我去，说等你 有时间的时候你带我玩，直到现在你也没带我出去过，我也理解知道你忙，你竟然能带他出去玩两天。他就问我想去哪他带我去或者等孩子出生后带着孩子一起去还 说保证以后不在和他同学联系了。

自结婚以后公司和他家里出了很多事，有时他会对我说我 heiraten 他让我受委屈了，我应该 heiraten 一个和我一样上班的人过幸福的生活，我听了感动的哭了，心里想 heiraten 这样的人即使在累我也值了，可是没想到他竟然在这个时候做出这样的事情，我真不知道我该怎么办了，我很无助我也不想对任何人说，每天只要想起这件就特别伤 心，这些天来我一直很 deprimiert，不知道该如何面对他，他倒是像什么都没发生一样问我怎么了，我也不想在和他提那件事提了他也不会承认，再说了他已经给我保证不 和他同学联系了我在 nörgeln 下去也没意思了，我只是不想理他对他失去了信任，有时偷偷看看他手机也没再发现问题，QQ聊天记录也什么都没有了，我不知道是确实 没联系还是都 gelöscht，可是我还是忘不了没事的时候还是满脑子里想，想起来我就哭，我哭的时候他除了问问怎么了别的也不多说了，慢慢的我发现他好像也懒得再 给我解释这件事了，对我也失去耐心了，我现在只想自己找个地方呆着静一静，但是我又不想把这件事告诉公公婆婆，天天还要应付着来上班。我不知道他在这件事 上有没有感到 Schuldbewußtsein。也不知道这件事还要困扰我多长时间。

Shu Dong

Übersetzung

Full time housewife

First, I’ll talk about my own situation. Before I was married I was employed in a local work unit; after I married, because my husband’s family had their own company, they insisted that I resign from the work unit and join their company, so I immediately resigned.

Over a month ago, something happened. I haven’t been able to erase it from my mind and it continues to haunt me. I don’t want to tell anyone close to me, only I know that my heart holds so much sorrow. My husband and I fell in love and were married five years later; now it’s been two years since we married. Over that time our relationship had always been good, envied among my friends. He said I was his first love. I was never quite convinced that it was true, but he insisted that I was. I thought that regardless of whether or not I was his first love, I just wanted to be the last. Now I am pregnant, and due to give birth in one month. Last month, something happened. My husband said that he was seeing his classmates on Saturday and asked me if I was coming. Because I was pregnant and felt ugly, I didn’t want to see anybody. Also, because I was so close to my due date, I felt that accompanying them to dinner and karaoke was not sensible, so I didn’t go. But then, the unthinkable happened. That night, my husband didn’t arrive home until 2am. After he got home, he told me that a girl he used to have a crush on was there. In the following days, he was chatting on QQ all day and night without sleeping. When he was chatting, he ignored me, or he would squat on the toilet with his phone for one to two hours. I was vaguely becoming aware that I might have a problem: previous nights, no matter how late or cold it was, if I wanted a drink of water, he would get one for me. That evening the water dispenser ran out of water and the new water bottle that had just been delivered was sitting on the floor. I asked him to put it in the water dispenser, but he was on QQ non-stop, and told me to wait. I waited until I fell asleep and didn’t end up getting a drink of water. But what happened after made me even more heart-broken. A few days later he told me he was going out to city ‘A’ to settle an account. He left early in the morning whilst I was still in bed. At that time, I wasn’t suspicious. After work that afternoon, I tried to call him, but his phone was switched off. He didn’t ring back until the evening, and said he wasn’t coming back as he hadn’t found the person and so would look for him again the following day. Because he has two cell phones which are never turned off at the same time, and the signs from the previous two days, I felt that he was lying to me. But when I asked him he didn’t admit anything and so I let it go, half believing, half doubting him. After I hung up the phone he turned his cell phone off again. On the second day of his business trip, my mother-in-law phoned him, but his cellphone was turned off. My mother-in-law was worried and asked me to find out why he still hadn’t come back, and also why neither phone was connecting. I checked and discovered there was no record of a phone call from city ‘A’, but instead there was one from city ‘B’, and also, that a call was made early that morning. I immediately rang the number, a woman answered, it was that woman classmate that he chats with on QQ everyday. I told her straight up to ask ** (my husband’s name) to come to the phone. It was silent on the line for a moment, then she asked me who I was. I said you ought to be able to guess who I am shouldn’t you? Right away I said, let him answer the phone I need to discuss something with him. There was a moment of silence again. After a while she said, he’s not here, you should call him on his cell phone. Then she hung up. After the phone call, I was sure my suspicions were correct. I started shaking from head to toe, my mind was racing, and I was no longer in the mood to work. I calmly told my mother in law that I hadn’t found anything out, and then tried to find a reason to take leave from work and go home.

After I got home I kept thinking: after so many years of happiness, how could he betray me like this? If I wasn’t pregnant I could leave without a care, or if I was in the early stages of pregnancy I would have other options. Now I am in the late stages of my pregnancy; I really can’t accept it any more. Later I found him on QQ, and sent him a direct message saying, don’t lie again, I know everything. If it can stay in the past, then it’s in the past, but if not, then don’t bother coming back. He arrived home as dusk was falling. He came in and spoke to me like nothing had happened. I am a relatively weak person; I confronted him in silence, in tears, and took no notice of him. He kept asking me what was wrong, why I was ignoring him. I said， you know what you have done. What have you been doing for the last two days? He said he really did go to city ‘A’，but the business head wasn’t there so he couldn’t retrieve the money. When I said that I checked his call records, and all his phone calls were from city ‘B’, and that there was no record of any phone calls made from city ‘A’，and asked why he had called his classmate whilst he was away. His explanation to me was that one of his classmates was feeling a bit down and felt like going out. So together with that particular female classmate and several other classmates, he went to city ‘B’, then that same night returned to city ‘A’. After our phone call the previous evening he turned his cell phone off as the power was getting low. When he got to city ‘A’ he realised that he had lost his cell phone. But he had been making calls for two days from city ‘B’. He was still lying to me. My explanation is that he was with his classmates in city ‘B’ the entire time, and just didn’t go to ‘A’ city at all. But he wouldn’t admit to anything, saying he did nothing wrong by me. I felt wronged couldn’t stop crying. I said, in the past when I was employed with the work unit, every time the group went out you didn’t let me go, telling me to wait until you have the time then you’ll take me out for some fun. Up to now you haven’t taken me out. I know you are busy, but you were able to take off two days to spend with her. Then he asked me to think where to go and he’ll take me, or maybe wait until after the baby is born and we can go out together. He also said that in the future, he wouldn’t have any more contact with his classmate.

After the wedding, a lot of things happened with his family and the company. Sometimes he would tell me that I had made a mistake to marry him, I should have married a man who I worked with, and then I would have enjoyed a happy life. I listened touched with emotion and cried. In my heart, that is the type of man, I wanted to marry. Even though it’s tiring, it’s worth it. But at that time, I did not expect him to do something like that. I really don’t know what to do; I feel helpless and I don’t want to talk to anyone about it. Every day， if I remember this matter, I feel especially brokenhearted. These days I am very depressed. I don’t know whether or not I should confront him. On the contrary, he acts as if nothing has happened and asks me what the problem is. I don’t want to raise the issue with him again; he still won’t admit anything. Besides, he already assured me he doesn’t have any contact with his classmates anymore, and that my continual nagging was boring. I simply don’t think he’s telling the truth and I have lost confidence in him. I sometimes secretly have a quick look at his cellphone but haven’t found any more problems. There was nothing on his QQ chat records either; I don’t know how reliable this is, that he hasn’t contacted anyone, or if his records have been deleted. Yet I still can’t forget. When I have nothing to do my mind is full of thoughts. When I start thinking I start to cry. When I cry he either asks me what’s going on or else doesn’t say anything. Eventually, I realised that he does not want to explain things to me again, and he is losing patience with me. Now I just want to find a place to stay by myself to calm down a bit. Yet I don’t want to tell my husband’s parents. Every day I still cope with it and go to work. I don’t know if he has a guilty conscience. I also don’t know how long these matters will continue to trouble me.

Virginia Russell

Das Buch der Riten

Übersetzung Richard Wilhelm

Daß das Volk hungert,

kommt davon her,

daß seine Oberen zu viele Steuern fressen;

darum hungert es.

Daß das Volk schwer zu leiten ist,

kommt davon her,

daß seine Oberen zu viel machen;

darum ist es schwer zu leiten.

Daß das Volk den Tod zu leicht nimmt,

kommt davon her,

daß seine Oberen des Lebens Fülle zu reichlich suchen;

darum nimmt es den Tod zu leicht.

Wer aber nicht um des Lebens Willen handelt,

der ist besser als der, dem das Leben teuer ist.

Übersetzung wikisource

People's poverty,

Is caused by parasitic exploitation by superiors,

Hence there is poverty.

People's complicatedness,

Is caused by ambitions of superiors,

Hence there are complications.

People's willingness to sacrifice,

Is because of the weight given to life,

Hence there are sacrifices.

Only those who are not ambitious for achievements in life,

Are truly capable of appreciating life.